i really hate how you forget someone for ages. well, admit that you forget someone and all of a sudden…BAM! a dream out of nowhere, with said person involved. it’s a GREAT dream so far, you’re finally getting the hope of salvation from the horrid scenario the person brought you into in the first place.

then, your body rouses. you didn’t ask it to. nothing, i mean NOTHING indicates you’re ready to wake. but, it wakes at the impossible climactic moment where you think every word you telepathically once told him when awake then came to light. those months of knowing that it was a struggle all melted away as you got some recognition that what you thought previously wasn’t just something you thought alone when you were together. it’s rooted deep down eventually to them and that same person thought it too. this very moment of sheer clarity is snatched away as you wake with a smile for a NANO second. i mean it, a nano second. everything is where it needs to be.

you wake up and it’s an out of body experience. the words still feel fresh on your tongue - what you said but they’ve never been said. that reaction on their face of finally getting your words out were never heard by the person who deserved to hear them was never seen. it’s still telepathically said to them to no avail because you’re not telepathic in the first place. so long, smile.

it’s a dream. a great stinking dream. now you’re left with the damage control of your head because you’re back to square one of thinking ‘if only i’d said this’ when you thought you’d snipped that frayed rope still tied to a secret place free.

it’s rotten, feeling like that. i hate dreaming about stuff i thought i was finished with. i hate this process of removing these feelings reluctantly.

i know i’ll read back on this in a few months and think ‘pfft. what a plonker you are, becky’. but until such time, i needed to get it out since i have a bar on my phone to chew anyone’s ear about and no other outlet.

consider this a future advocation of honesty, becky.